When did we lose our pre-school virtues?

The older I get, the more I realize that I'm a huge hypocrite. As a mom, I am trying to teach my kids good values. Sharing, being social, making new friends, helping people, using your manners. But the older I get and the more adult I become, I think I'm losing some of these virtues every year.
Sharing: As a working adult, I am constantly encouraged to watch my back (CYA - Cover your A$$) and not share thoughts, or ideas because people are prone to stealing and make money off of you.
Being social: We get our hand slapped for this one if we socialize tooo much. We are drones and we need to work all day every day and not do anything else. Our socialization skills die every time we use things that are supposed to make us more efficient (texting, email, fb). I don't think I am as social as I used to be because you only get to know someone based on their one line. You don't get to know the actual person unless you want to just interview everybody. That would take too long.
Making new Friends: Besides the friends I've had since I was in high school, I don't really have alot of new friends, nor do I see myself making any new ones any time soon. The media just seems to have scared us all into a frenzy where we can't make new friends unless were somehow "matched" on 23 different levels and even then we need insurance. Our society is hinged on looking before you leap so much that we don't even leave the house anymore. It's like hermets are the coolest thing now. When did this happen?
Helping people: Remember when that man passed away waiting in the ER waiting area or when a passenger passed away on the septa bus. That show "What would you do?" has really exposed all our fears as human beings and put us on blast on how we treat other human beings. We don't help anyone anymore unless we know their social security number. We are so scared to speak up/touch another person that it is ridiculous. Me myself, I am not a hugger but I know I used to be. I was sooo caring all those years ago. What happenend to my empathy. Did it wither away with every passing relationship that failed?
Manners: People are sooo surprised to hear my kids when they say May I, Please and Thank you. It's like a shock to their system like Where have I heard those words before. Oh that's right, PRE-K! Its a shame but people just aren't as respectful as they used to be. Whatever happened to not using bad language infront of elders, or men giving up their seat on the bus to old ladies. Did "I don't give a f*ck" become everyone's slogan and I just blinked and missed that day?
As I explore myself and what it means to be me I need to figure these things out. I know at one point I had alot of empathy for people, but through "evolution" I became this very guarded, quiet, complacent person who only helps who she knows and only friends people when she is "matched" to them. Between the crabs in a barrell (negative) people, and the cut throat; look out for yourself; I got mine,you get yours people I don't know which way to turn. If you expose yourself too much, you leave the door open for these people to come into your life and sabatoge your way. If you shut the door too much, you potentially lose out on alot  of great opportunities/people that will make your life better.
As I am still evolving, I hope to learn some of the virtues that I am passing along to my children, but I still wonder, when did I drop these things in the first place and what did I replace them with.
I wonder...........

Vegetarian here we Come!

And now for my second trick, Black Bean Chili!  This was by far, the best chili I've ever done, and easiest. When I was making it, I didn't even discover that I was putting everything in one dish, which is awesome for a busy mom that hates doing a million dishes. The kids were so excited to see something different. They dug into the potato, which I knew was a sure hit, and then started eating the chili mixture. I knew chili's were too much for them so I only used chili powder. The tofu was seamless and added the needed protein we needed. It was great. They were giving me compliments and chowing down. They are really getting used to this. My next experiment will be to find good lunch box ideas for them. Fast food just seems not nutritious. I like the idea of tofurky, but not for every day use and I am still convincing them that vegetables are there friends. But take my word for it, anybody would like this meal and I felt full without feeling sleepy which was exactly what I was going for. :)

Black Bean Chili - One Dish Wonder

One Pot Wonder

This is the second dish in our vegetarian trial run. This was great and it was a one dish wonder!

1 cup chopped onion
1 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 chopped celery
3 cloves garlic freshly chopped
1 1/2 tbsp chinese black bean sauce
1 lb tofu crumbled
1 can tomatoes including juice
1 can black beans with liquid
1 can dark red kidney beans with liquid
1/4 chopped parsley

3 baked potatoes
chives for baked potatoes
cheese for baked potatoes

1. In large saucepan, combine onion, bell pepper and oil. Saute over medium heat  for 7 minutes. Add garlic, celery, and chiles. Cajun spice and tofu. Reduce heat and gently simmer, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes.
2. Add tomatoes with juice. Increase heat and bring to a boil, stirring up browned bits in bottom of pan. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Add  black and red beans with liquid, parsley and savory. Simmer for 5 to 10 minutes or until heated through Add salt and pepper to taste.
Optional

Used 3 baked potatoes, cause there are three of us. Cut the baked potatoes in half. add butter, salt and pepper and chives to the potatoes and topped with the chili and cheese. It was quite yummy and the kids enjoyed it!

Chili over baked potato with cheese

Sea Vegetables in Crock Pot

My first vegetarian recipe that went quite well with the kids.
3 garlic cloves
3 carrots chopped
1 onion chopped
1 celery stalk chopped
1 pototato chopped
2 cups vegetable stock
1 can coconut milk
1/2 cup lentils rinsed and drained
1/2 cup almond butter
1 tbsp chopped ginger
1 cup arame
2 cups yellow rice
salt and pepper

Add all ingredients in slow cooker (except rice). Cook on low for 4 to 6 hours until vegetables and lentils are tender. Serve over rice hot.

The kids enjoyed this and everything mixed well together. This was left overs for awhile in my household.

Vegetarian cooking 101

As of this week, I am officially bored, but as a precaution to my boredom, I decided to do some cooking and change our lifestyle to a more healthy one. I was once a vegetarian myself, before I even thought about kids. Since my children have alot of allergies, I decided to really streamline their diet and make sure they are getting enough vegetables. What better time to experiment than Vacation Time!. So I organized myself, got out a great vegetarian cook book and went through the recipes to find common ingredients so that we wouldn't waste food and I wouldn't have to buy too much. I looked through my cabinets, eliminated all the things I had all ready and organized a grocery list of items I needed to purchase. After going to Produce Junction and the super market, I had all my items enough for 8 different recipes (one even had a crock pot suggestion, you know I love the all in one cooking). So for the next 8 days, I will embark on a journey to vegetarian dinners for the kids and then for the rest of the time, hopefully we will then feast on the leftovers throughout the rest of the time. After I use the kids as guinea pigs, I'll post the recipes and all ingredients so that maybe someone else can benefit from this experience. I always like to encourage healthy living and giving up meat saves the planet and your gives you a healthy outlook on your life. I'm sure there are more health benefits than this but I just can't think of them right now. Besides, I could stand to lose a couple of pounds while I'm here and I have no excuse about excersing. I've also started an excercise plan. Every day I workout, I sweat, I do something to get my heartrate going. This is going pretty good so far and the healthy eating will benefit my weightloss experience as well.

Tonight is the first night and tonight we will try Sea Vegetable Chowder. This is the recipe with the slow cooker method, so I'm hoping it will be easy. Wish me luck you guys!

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

My mind has been going in a million different directions lately. From where are my kids going to school in the summer, to where will we be living next year. It's been a whirl of a hurricane in my head and I am just not slowing down to smell the roses. I don't want to get overwhelmed, but I am getting there fast and furious.
Yesterday was an intense day for me. After work, dinner and kid battling my body and mind decided on their own without consent to just shut down and go into a coma state of surreal. I started to drift off and thinking about the calmness of smoke and how it drifts with the wind whirling and twirling all around into complete nothingness and thinking to myself, I wish that was offered as a vacation resort for adults. As I was drifting into this state, I started to think about babies. Not having another baby no, but to really think of how they have the best life and that it only goes downhill from there.

Babies have a 5 star resort every day all day until they get into the discovery mode. They are pampered , primped, every need is taken care of. Any sign of distress, is an automatic priority to all around and they are soothed into a blissful sleep. Even then they are admired from afar and never left alone. Why does it go straight to hell after that?
We grow and work in order to do what? Just die from working and not enjoying our lives. After the kids are gone and you are old and gray, what is the next phase of your life? It should not be working to survive. It should be working to not work and live out the rest of your days peacefull and tranquil. Right now, I am just not seeing the end of the tunnel fast enough. And what kind of example am I setting for my kids? Should they fall into this cycle where they grow, work til they can't work no more and then just collaspe of old age?
How should we live our life and what should our priorities be when it comes to evaluating our mortality and happiness?

Make a dollar out of 15 cents

As a single person/parent, I find myself in the dilemma of trying to save for those rainy days.  Since its just me, its even scarier to think that I am supposed to have this fund ready and able for all emergency purposes. With this in mind, I am going on an inner journey to see where my money ends up and to discover what changes I need to make in order to find my way back to Comfortville.

Today started off like any other day. I got up thinking about what bills need to be paid and how can I pay them. When I finally sit down to analyze who gets what dollar, I suddenly realize that the more money I make, the more I spend. Mo money Mo problems really starts to make sense to me. Thats when I decide to go on a diet, a full fledge 360 diet. Not only will I keep track of my spending, but also what I spend money on and how can I cut back and save some money. OK, first things first, what do I like to spend money on.
Well for one, I love food so I know I will splurge on food, but this is something I consume on a daily basis. An expensive consumption at that. This will be where I begin. Where I can start to suppress my hunger for spending and eating all in one. So first homework assignment, Whats cheaper - vegetarian lifestyle or meat eating lifestyle?
Here I go! Now I will try to analyze- through the summer mind you- what would be a cheaper, healthier, and long term lifestyle for me and the kids. Now I am no stranger to cooking, but Chef Boyardee never hurt nobody either. I work a 40 hr week and now I am trying to commit myself to A. cooking more than once or twice a week. B. bringing and eating leftovers for lunch instead of spending money and C. NOT Cheating. OMG! This is a main source of where my money goes and if this works, I can figure out how to capitalize off of this by having more in the bank than what I do now, and still eat like a queen. Maybe even lose a couple of pounds, which wouldnt hurt. OK now to analyze some vegan/vegetarian ways and maybe even post some good information to the masses. Stay tuned....

Norah Jones - Sunrise

Just feel so thankful for everything that's happening to me and my family. How could I not see everything wonderful around me.

Special for me and Special for you :)

Currently freaking out! I know God never puts anything on us that we can't handle, but my goodnes, I think I've been through the fire and still standing with a lit match in my hand. My son had his evaluation for Beharioral services on Saturday. Seems that he is very bright and starting to learn how to read. His memory is excellent and his social skills are really improving. Problem is, he has been kicked out of about 5 - 6 daycares in his lifetime due to the autism and behaviors. I finally found a good place for him in Augst 2009, and now he is exceeding them academically and he needs to be in a school environment. Now, I have to go on the school tour again, by myself as a single parent now, and shop for a good academic driven school. Change is sooo hard for him and even harder for me. Will he adjust, will he thrive, even if i like the school  - will they support an autistic child. This drives me crazy everytime! And with no support from the father, its even harder to make these decisions. I don't want to hold him back but changing him around every year, makes his outbursts and adjustments that much more crazy. This is what totally freaks me out!

Mother's Day

Mother's day was bittersweet for me. Sweet because of my kids and my friends cheering me for being a good mommy. Bitter because the person who created the kids with me couldn't even acknowledge, or was too busy thinking of himself, that it was mother's day and could of sent a text or something. It's not like he participates at all or appreciates the fact that the children are well taken care of by one sole parent. As much as people don't admit it, everyone wants to be recognized for their accomplishments. I hate to think in such a dreary way, but if something happened to me, I can't help but think who would take care of my children? They have a father, but that father doesn't know how to be a parent. He barely takes care of himself let alone another helpless human being. Practicing selfless love is an action and can't be replaced by money or gifts. I don't understand why people think they can buy a child's love when they've never done a damn thing for them that means something. Birthday and Christmas gifts are trash compared to real action oriented love. Kissing the boo boos, helping with homework, teaching a skill, something that can last and is tangible doesn't compare to a Barbie doll or a truck. How do you convey this to a grown person and how do you keep yourself from becoming the nagging parent or the all the time disciplinarian in the household. I know when I look back at my childhood, I appreciate my mother more and more because of the tangible things she taught me. Not because she bought me the latest gear or trivial things like that. My entire being would be totally different if my mother focused on the "right now wants". Instead she focused on the "future needs" of her children and that's the kind of parent I strive to be. Comment if you feel me on this one.

Keepin it together

Does anyone else feel like they think too much. Stuff just keeps happening to me and I dwell and dwell and try to remember all the details from one day to the next, but I know I can't keep doing that. It really burns me up when people don't do right and I always question why. I have got to burn into my brain that some people are just bastards and they couldn't care one bit about you or the life you live. They were born bastards and they are gonna die bastards. I can't do anything but get them as far away from me as possible. I don't want to be like that, and I don't want my children to grow up to be like that. Its a strange feeling to let go of someone you were once close to. It can be heart breaking when you reminisce or it could be a sigh of release when they are finally gone. Its the latter for me. It was a sigh of relief to see him go, but the mess he made while draggin his crap out with him is something I still have to deal with. We have 2 beautiful kids and they are wonderful, but his part was played by an empty vessel filled with endless hours of xbox 360 and war games. I am happy he's gone but wish it wasn't so much mess to clean up. Did anyone deal with these issues while being separated? Please let me know what your stories are?

Cabs at Rush Hour

I thought that Cabs were supposed to stop for ladies. Ok lately I have been a little late in picking up my son and need a cab to get to him right away. What is it with these taxis. They wiz right by you with noone in the car going the direction you need to go in. I tried for over 30 minutes to hail each and every cab and they just wizzed right by and I had my child with me. I am not gonna rob you. If anything, I'll give you a better tip cause I'm in a hurry. What is the problem? Is there a number we can call if we think we are being discriminated against by cabs? Why don't they have a camera thing in there car to monitor how much they work? Are they paid by commission or hourly? I don't know, but I really want to find out. They were so rude slowing down and shaking their head, like I got on bloody clothing and a knife with a sign that said "any where" on it. I am no threat and I'm not going to east bad street. I do not get it. I thought this kind of treatment was hidden, but apparently in the taxi world, it still exists. Can we band certain cabs from patrolling our areas if they do not want to comply? Where is the justice people? Where?

Family Relationships

Now that I am seperated, my ex's family is trying to contact me via email and other avenues to inquire about the children. In my head I'm thinking, what do you want? but in my heart, I know that my kids deserve to be apart of both sides of their family even though our relationship did not work out. It's very difficult to go over their houses to spend time with them in this murky situation. I'd rather not deal with it at all, but I know time is marching by and the kids are losing moments with their other grandparents and cousins. It's strange because some people in his family have really treated me bad and others have not. I wonder should I visit the ones who are staying neutral until this situation is all resolved? The kids don't notice a difference since they didn't really visit them anyway. Since my son was diagnosed with autism, they didn't really watch him or spend time with him. I always stayed with him in case he would get to hyper or to calm him down. It's been difficult, but I've tried to stay in contact with them and away from them at the same time. Any thoughts?

Relationships

I find that I have a many personalities when it comes to men. My personality is very guarded. I don't like to give so much of myself away at first. You usually gain what little you have to get from me over time and then the rest comes naturally. After about, oh I say, 10 years of dating, I am not seeing anything from my inverting personality. Lately I have encompassed one of my other personalities (Monica) when I want to show affection and care to a man. Monica is very affectionate. She does whatever and whenever for her man. She makes up love coupons and dresses for Valentines day and wants flowers and candy and all the opposite things that I don't want. So, I have to pull Monica out when I need to show care and concern for my man.
Then, when I get pissed, my hard personality is called Niya. Niya don't play that. Niya don't take no crap. When I'm done, I'm done. That personality is just in case you mess up. That way you don't have to deal with my really hurt self. My last, but not least personality is called Sherea. Sherea will deal with everything you throw at her. She always sees the silver lining in every situation. She can be tough but very patient. She can also accept any foul habits you have and learn to look the other way. All in all, you get a pretty complete person out of me and I try to balance all the crazyness at one time. Time only will tell when you get to see all sides of me. Do you girls do this too?

A Brand New Day!

Hello,
Today I start my blog. One about relationships, family, dieting, separation, divorce, raising my ASD son and his bossy sister, trying to establish new/good relationships while keeping old ones fresh and enduring. Isn't this alot to say in one sentence. But it's bound to be good and hopefully someone will find some meaning in what I say. I know during this time in my life, I have spent countless hours trying to find my way and it would of been helpful to find someone who was in similiar shoes. Can't wait to get started.