Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

My mind has been going in a million different directions lately. From where are my kids going to school in the summer, to where will we be living next year. It's been a whirl of a hurricane in my head and I am just not slowing down to smell the roses. I don't want to get overwhelmed, but I am getting there fast and furious.
Yesterday was an intense day for me. After work, dinner and kid battling my body and mind decided on their own without consent to just shut down and go into a coma state of surreal. I started to drift off and thinking about the calmness of smoke and how it drifts with the wind whirling and twirling all around into complete nothingness and thinking to myself, I wish that was offered as a vacation resort for adults. As I was drifting into this state, I started to think about babies. Not having another baby no, but to really think of how they have the best life and that it only goes downhill from there.

Babies have a 5 star resort every day all day until they get into the discovery mode. They are pampered , primped, every need is taken care of. Any sign of distress, is an automatic priority to all around and they are soothed into a blissful sleep. Even then they are admired from afar and never left alone. Why does it go straight to hell after that?
We grow and work in order to do what? Just die from working and not enjoying our lives. After the kids are gone and you are old and gray, what is the next phase of your life? It should not be working to survive. It should be working to not work and live out the rest of your days peacefull and tranquil. Right now, I am just not seeing the end of the tunnel fast enough. And what kind of example am I setting for my kids? Should they fall into this cycle where they grow, work til they can't work no more and then just collaspe of old age?
How should we live our life and what should our priorities be when it comes to evaluating our mortality and happiness?

Keepin it together

Does anyone else feel like they think too much. Stuff just keeps happening to me and I dwell and dwell and try to remember all the details from one day to the next, but I know I can't keep doing that. It really burns me up when people don't do right and I always question why. I have got to burn into my brain that some people are just bastards and they couldn't care one bit about you or the life you live. They were born bastards and they are gonna die bastards. I can't do anything but get them as far away from me as possible. I don't want to be like that, and I don't want my children to grow up to be like that. Its a strange feeling to let go of someone you were once close to. It can be heart breaking when you reminisce or it could be a sigh of release when they are finally gone. Its the latter for me. It was a sigh of relief to see him go, but the mess he made while draggin his crap out with him is something I still have to deal with. We have 2 beautiful kids and they are wonderful, but his part was played by an empty vessel filled with endless hours of xbox 360 and war games. I am happy he's gone but wish it wasn't so much mess to clean up. Did anyone deal with these issues while being separated? Please let me know what your stories are?

Family Relationships

Now that I am seperated, my ex's family is trying to contact me via email and other avenues to inquire about the children. In my head I'm thinking, what do you want? but in my heart, I know that my kids deserve to be apart of both sides of their family even though our relationship did not work out. It's very difficult to go over their houses to spend time with them in this murky situation. I'd rather not deal with it at all, but I know time is marching by and the kids are losing moments with their other grandparents and cousins. It's strange because some people in his family have really treated me bad and others have not. I wonder should I visit the ones who are staying neutral until this situation is all resolved? The kids don't notice a difference since they didn't really visit them anyway. Since my son was diagnosed with autism, they didn't really watch him or spend time with him. I always stayed with him in case he would get to hyper or to calm him down. It's been difficult, but I've tried to stay in contact with them and away from them at the same time. Any thoughts?

A Brand New Day!

Hello,
Today I start my blog. One about relationships, family, dieting, separation, divorce, raising my ASD son and his bossy sister, trying to establish new/good relationships while keeping old ones fresh and enduring. Isn't this alot to say in one sentence. But it's bound to be good and hopefully someone will find some meaning in what I say. I know during this time in my life, I have spent countless hours trying to find my way and it would of been helpful to find someone who was in similiar shoes. Can't wait to get started.