Gears of War: The IEP Process

The IEP process is one of the most stressful things you have to deal with as a parent of a special needs child. On top of stressing over your child, your child's needs, drs. appointments, etc. you then have to "advocate" for you child's therapeutic needs with your child's intermediate unit (the state)/school district.
Now I don't know who came up with the process and procedure, but as it appears, I sure as hell know that no parent of a special needs child signed off on this.
The process begins when you request that your child is tested. You need to do this in order for them to administer services. Sometimes finding the number to call is a chore and a half, but eventually, you can get this information from your pediatrician. Also, if you notice enough to want your child tested, its a better idea to seek out a Developmental Pediatrician and get on their waiting list so that you can get a diagnosis. This is key to the future of your child's services and what he or she is entitled to as they get older and attend school. Again, if you feel like they need to get tested for extra services or extra help, get on a waiting list for a Developmental Pediatrician. They are your best bet to get what you need in the future.
Next up, the evaluation takes place and then they give you an evaluation report. Now I know what I'm about to say might sound dumb, but I'm going to say it anyway.. READ IT! Read it cover to cover. Read it line by line. Note all mistakes, even spelling mistakes. Skim through it like the adverse affects of  medications. This is what they will base services off of. If your child did something during the evaluation or you would like to add to it, you should mark that eval up, and ask that they add your information right away. Don't hold back information and don't try to add it in later. WRITE IT DOWN! Email it or send it in a letter asking for those things to be added. Printed words are more powerful than conversations. If you are bad at writing letters, GET BETTER. This skill is crucial from now to the end of time in dealing with IEPs.
After the evaluation report has been given to you an IEP meeting is scheduled. Now parents, I know that sometimes we have our own personalities and we have alot to deal with, but at this meeting you need to turn into a "public speaker". I have been in IEP meetings that consisted of 19 different people and I was the only one there to advocate for my son. If you are shy, get yourself in gear. If you speak soft, get ready to be bullied. If you are not prepared and have not read any of your reports, you will have your time wasted and will not get your input in. The IEP is a collaborative process and you should think of yourself as being on the same level as the other specialists there. Don't let their fancy degrees intimidate you because you have knowledge that they do not posses, you know your child and they don't. What they say is based on one evaluation or even one hour of time with your child. That is nothing compared to the hours, days, weeks, years you spent with your own child. You had the common sense to recognize that your child needed help and you acted upon it. You are your child's specialist and you need to speak like one.
Now I always ask for the Draft IEP atleast 24 hours before the meeting, because I want to be on the same page, address the issues ( like mistakes or additions) right then and there and I don't like wasting time. I hate when people read to me and that takes up most or all of the meeting if you don't get the Draft IEP. If you want to get down to the nitty gritty, ask for the draft and read it like your life depends on it. One thing they never tell you is, once you sign it to say that you agree, you are pretty much stuck with it. Too late to haggle over it then. If you need an addition or want to change or add something, don't sign anything. Ask for the change and wait to sign that document only. You may sign the attendance sheet, but nothing else. Make sure that documents looks like GOLD before signing it. That is your sole purpose and that will show that you are in control of the situation.
Now if you need a bit of support, bring people with you that know your child and know the system. Bring teachers, advocates, reports from drs. Don't bring your friends just to sit next to you. Remember, you need to be competent to do this and appear competent as well. You are gearing up to convince people to take an interest in your child's education, and these same people will be administering services to your child. Get to know them and let them get to know you. When you need them, they will respond to you, because you show that you are active and engaging in your child's life. You will build a professional rappor and will have more control of the situation and more information as time goes on.
If you are in disagreement and the IU/school district will not change its mind, file a complaint. File it right away, document your issue in a letter and be as specific as possible. Don't wait, don't take their word for it, don't sign anything you are not comfortable with. If you feel like they are stalling, file a complaint and ask for an expedited hearing. Look up the rules, call the disability help line and WRITE IT DOWN. You are now dealing with the state and they come down with a vengence if the IU/school district didn't do their job. You will be handled professionally and you will have to put your emotions on the shelf. Get in Gear to do this, because then you really need to be public speaker extraordinary. Watch as many episodes of law and order as you can and notice that those lawyers do not get emotionally involved even when the crime is horrific. You need to be the same way, poised, in control, fact checking, appear intelligent and have all your information presented in a letter, written down for everyone to see and be cc'd on.
Put your foot down, but do it professionally. Speak your peace, but sustain from being over emotional. You need to convey that you are competent and that you want assistance professionally. These people need to leave the room know that they will respect you and you will not let them short change you due to incompetence.
I hoped that I have shed some light on these issues. I have been through this process enough to know how to conduct myself, and every time, I have gotten what I asked for.
Gear up like you are going to war, because the sad thing about it is, you are.

How do you mend something that was broken

New Years always stirs up feelings of change and hope in us all. At this stage in the game, coping with change and learning to reflect and fix mistakes is crucial in our lives. At this point, with kids, a job, responsibilities and my age, I don't have time to make any more mistakes or fix things that were broken. The most I can hope to do is put a band aid on it, rub some medicine on it and limp the bad times off. I'm not one for making resolutions anymore, cause I don't want to dissapoint myself. I will, however, make goals and try to accomplish them with more gusto in the beginning of the year and die down towards the end.

1. I want to try to right some wrongs and practice being a more forgiving person. Forgiveness is lacking these days and most people don't practice it enough. We all have our faults and I can't be high and might thinking I don't make mistakes as well. 
2. I want to be more independent and less dependent on others. I know I'm 75% there, but I'm getting to the point where I don't like being an indentured servant to those that believe they are helping but are actually getting a quid pro quo out of the kindness of their hearts.  I don't feel like sugar coating it anymore and I'm actually becoming more in tune with my needs than with any body else/
3. Spread the love. Telling people how you feel today rather than waiting for the opportunity later. People don't get it later. If you are mad today, be mad, express yourself and let go. If you are happy, be happy express yourself and live on. People change like the wind and the most you can do is let it carry you and shield yourself from it. You make the choice and don't let it choose you.

As far as "resolutions" go, I think I've made my list as good as it gets. I'm still gonna be pushing forward and I hope to try many new and different things this year. I'll try to eat more veggies and do more exercising but with my impending full course load, I can see alot of late night snacks and all nighters in my future as well. 

Here's to hoping you all have a great year as well!

When did we lose our pre-school virtues?

The older I get, the more I realize that I'm a huge hypocrite. As a mom, I am trying to teach my kids good values. Sharing, being social, making new friends, helping people, using your manners. But the older I get and the more adult I become, I think I'm losing some of these virtues every year.
Sharing: As a working adult, I am constantly encouraged to watch my back (CYA - Cover your A$$) and not share thoughts, or ideas because people are prone to stealing and make money off of you.
Being social: We get our hand slapped for this one if we socialize tooo much. We are drones and we need to work all day every day and not do anything else. Our socialization skills die every time we use things that are supposed to make us more efficient (texting, email, fb). I don't think I am as social as I used to be because you only get to know someone based on their one line. You don't get to know the actual person unless you want to just interview everybody. That would take too long.
Making new Friends: Besides the friends I've had since I was in high school, I don't really have alot of new friends, nor do I see myself making any new ones any time soon. The media just seems to have scared us all into a frenzy where we can't make new friends unless were somehow "matched" on 23 different levels and even then we need insurance. Our society is hinged on looking before you leap so much that we don't even leave the house anymore. It's like hermets are the coolest thing now. When did this happen?
Helping people: Remember when that man passed away waiting in the ER waiting area or when a passenger passed away on the septa bus. That show "What would you do?" has really exposed all our fears as human beings and put us on blast on how we treat other human beings. We don't help anyone anymore unless we know their social security number. We are so scared to speak up/touch another person that it is ridiculous. Me myself, I am not a hugger but I know I used to be. I was sooo caring all those years ago. What happenend to my empathy. Did it wither away with every passing relationship that failed?
Manners: People are sooo surprised to hear my kids when they say May I, Please and Thank you. It's like a shock to their system like Where have I heard those words before. Oh that's right, PRE-K! Its a shame but people just aren't as respectful as they used to be. Whatever happened to not using bad language infront of elders, or men giving up their seat on the bus to old ladies. Did "I don't give a f*ck" become everyone's slogan and I just blinked and missed that day?
As I explore myself and what it means to be me I need to figure these things out. I know at one point I had alot of empathy for people, but through "evolution" I became this very guarded, quiet, complacent person who only helps who she knows and only friends people when she is "matched" to them. Between the crabs in a barrell (negative) people, and the cut throat; look out for yourself; I got mine,you get yours people I don't know which way to turn. If you expose yourself too much, you leave the door open for these people to come into your life and sabatoge your way. If you shut the door too much, you potentially lose out on alot  of great opportunities/people that will make your life better.
As I am still evolving, I hope to learn some of the virtues that I am passing along to my children, but I still wonder, when did I drop these things in the first place and what did I replace them with.
I wonder...........

Vegetarian here we Come!

And now for my second trick, Black Bean Chili!  This was by far, the best chili I've ever done, and easiest. When I was making it, I didn't even discover that I was putting everything in one dish, which is awesome for a busy mom that hates doing a million dishes. The kids were so excited to see something different. They dug into the potato, which I knew was a sure hit, and then started eating the chili mixture. I knew chili's were too much for them so I only used chili powder. The tofu was seamless and added the needed protein we needed. It was great. They were giving me compliments and chowing down. They are really getting used to this. My next experiment will be to find good lunch box ideas for them. Fast food just seems not nutritious. I like the idea of tofurky, but not for every day use and I am still convincing them that vegetables are there friends. But take my word for it, anybody would like this meal and I felt full without feeling sleepy which was exactly what I was going for. :)

Black Bean Chili - One Dish Wonder

One Pot Wonder

This is the second dish in our vegetarian trial run. This was great and it was a one dish wonder!

1 cup chopped onion
1 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 chopped celery
3 cloves garlic freshly chopped
1 1/2 tbsp chinese black bean sauce
1 lb tofu crumbled
1 can tomatoes including juice
1 can black beans with liquid
1 can dark red kidney beans with liquid
1/4 chopped parsley

3 baked potatoes
chives for baked potatoes
cheese for baked potatoes

1. In large saucepan, combine onion, bell pepper and oil. Saute over medium heat  for 7 minutes. Add garlic, celery, and chiles. Cajun spice and tofu. Reduce heat and gently simmer, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes.
2. Add tomatoes with juice. Increase heat and bring to a boil, stirring up browned bits in bottom of pan. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Add  black and red beans with liquid, parsley and savory. Simmer for 5 to 10 minutes or until heated through Add salt and pepper to taste.
Optional

Used 3 baked potatoes, cause there are three of us. Cut the baked potatoes in half. add butter, salt and pepper and chives to the potatoes and topped with the chili and cheese. It was quite yummy and the kids enjoyed it!

Chili over baked potato with cheese

Sea Vegetables in Crock Pot

My first vegetarian recipe that went quite well with the kids.
3 garlic cloves
3 carrots chopped
1 onion chopped
1 celery stalk chopped
1 pototato chopped
2 cups vegetable stock
1 can coconut milk
1/2 cup lentils rinsed and drained
1/2 cup almond butter
1 tbsp chopped ginger
1 cup arame
2 cups yellow rice
salt and pepper

Add all ingredients in slow cooker (except rice). Cook on low for 4 to 6 hours until vegetables and lentils are tender. Serve over rice hot.

The kids enjoyed this and everything mixed well together. This was left overs for awhile in my household.

Vegetarian cooking 101

As of this week, I am officially bored, but as a precaution to my boredom, I decided to do some cooking and change our lifestyle to a more healthy one. I was once a vegetarian myself, before I even thought about kids. Since my children have alot of allergies, I decided to really streamline their diet and make sure they are getting enough vegetables. What better time to experiment than Vacation Time!. So I organized myself, got out a great vegetarian cook book and went through the recipes to find common ingredients so that we wouldn't waste food and I wouldn't have to buy too much. I looked through my cabinets, eliminated all the things I had all ready and organized a grocery list of items I needed to purchase. After going to Produce Junction and the super market, I had all my items enough for 8 different recipes (one even had a crock pot suggestion, you know I love the all in one cooking). So for the next 8 days, I will embark on a journey to vegetarian dinners for the kids and then for the rest of the time, hopefully we will then feast on the leftovers throughout the rest of the time. After I use the kids as guinea pigs, I'll post the recipes and all ingredients so that maybe someone else can benefit from this experience. I always like to encourage healthy living and giving up meat saves the planet and your gives you a healthy outlook on your life. I'm sure there are more health benefits than this but I just can't think of them right now. Besides, I could stand to lose a couple of pounds while I'm here and I have no excuse about excersing. I've also started an excercise plan. Every day I workout, I sweat, I do something to get my heartrate going. This is going pretty good so far and the healthy eating will benefit my weightloss experience as well.

Tonight is the first night and tonight we will try Sea Vegetable Chowder. This is the recipe with the slow cooker method, so I'm hoping it will be easy. Wish me luck you guys!